Why change is so hard for us

In autumn, when the leaves shed their leaves, when the days are getting shorter and mist creeps over the hilltops, nature begins to change. Winter is only a breath away – we are surrounded by death and must welcome a quieter, darker time of the year. Many people struggle with it, and as much has happened lately, I thought it would be wonderful to pick up the topic.

Winter has us in its grip, but I must dedicate at least a few lines to my favourite season. I am a fond lover of autumn. The quiet mornings slowly illuminated by red and orange hues, the crisp, clean air during early walks, and the wonderful smell of damp earth wafting from the forests – I cannot describe how much I appreciate nature’s beauty during that time. It is as if she wanted to reassure us that change doesn’t have to be ugly. It can be wonderful, inspiring and bring new perspectives and horizons.

But: change can be intimidating. Life is an eternal circle of life and death, of darkness and light, of positive and negative phases. At least on the short run, change doesn’t have to be on the bright side. I remember the time after school as my last impactful change. The feeling of having to choose the “best” option for my future, the pressure from my parents and society and the realisation of adult life sinking in was overwhelming. At that time, I wasn’t aware of the fact that change cannot be buried. It is like an echo, ever coming back.

Let me tell you: it came back like a storm.

The echo of change

After I quit my first studies, I decided to follow my passion and study languages. Four wonderful years have passed with new friends, experiences (my semester in Norway was one of the best!) and plans for the future. I believe student life can be one of the most relaxing and beneficial times for us. I had a direction for the next couple of years and life seemed exciting and full of dreams and hopes. But as this time was drawing to an end, I felt the pressure of choosing again. Of choosing a new direction. Change was coming again: should I do a master? Should I start working? Or should I take a break and travel?

The possibilities were endless and I plunged into writing applications while finishing my bachelor. It was a disoriented time with doubts, self-sabotage and fear. I wasn’t accepted for a master, and only one job interview was successful. In theory, I was conscious of the effort of writing applications and the sour feeling after being frequently rejected. It was quite a different thing to experience it on my own skin however. It showed me how chaotic the mid twenties can be – although some claim it is the best time in life.

I figured one month of winding down would be enough after my bachelor. I knew that change took time – now it has become very clear to me. One month could be enough for another person, but it wasn’t for me after four years of studying. I blamed myself for not giving myself enough time, although I was aware of the harm I was causing. When opening up to my loved ones about this, one lovely friend I met in Norway told me that I indeed could have given myself more time. But life flows on. Eventually, there would come a moment I would have to accept change and embark on the next journey. Even after half a year, there would come the moment to let this phase go and step into the next one.

The slow rhythm of autumn and winter

Even with all the excitement this new stage brings, I embrace nature’s slower rhythm during autumn and winter and try to implement mindful practices into my daily life. For example, as I have noticed that I am more emotional during these seasons, I try to write down and accept my feelings rather than bury them. I pay attention to small moments – the tickle of wool around my cheeks, my ruffled hair when I take down my hat, the warmth coursing through my body after a walk outside, and burly pullovers hugging my body.

With autumn and winter, nature signals to us to slow down. We are not able to rush through this time, as deep inside of us, we have a natural rhythm that is in tune with the seasons. Nature is slowly dying – the plants wilt, the trees lose their leaves, darkness and fog cover the landscape – to come back to life in spring. We can be inspired by that circle: we need time to recover from a bustling summer. Our summers are packed with social interactions, travel plans and fantastic projects. But we are not able to continue with it forever, nor would it be good for us. Only when we allow ourselves to rest are we able to gather energy for the upcoming seasons. Only then are we able to bloom.

For many people, it is hard to welcome autumn and winter. They associate it with darkness, hardship and cold. Change can be especially demanding during this time. I found great support in talking with other people. My friends from university are going through the same, challenging mid-twenty period. More aged people who have already overcome such phases assured me that they experienced them too and that they always pass. They told me I would grow so much and learn what I am truly capable of. And the same applies to you.  

If you find yourself in a difficult part of life: you are not alone. Leave a comment and share your story, it will mean a lot to those experiencing the same! It means a lot if you like and share on Instagram. I wish you a wonderful day or night.  

Stay curious,

Sara